Let’s say I’m experiencing the hard times in life. As people say there’s always an ups and downs in life. In terms of friends, I guess I can say that they either have settle down happily or they are just simply busy, with school, major exmainations. I completely understand with that, not feeling any disappointment or such thing. Maybe I’ve to get used with this situation,as I said adapting to changes.

I just can’t understand the current situation right now.Everyone seems to busy with theirs own things. I swear I hate to say this but the atmosphere have really change,a lot. Now I usually find myself, thinking about the joyous things we did together. Hoping that things would be the same  like last time, which I don’t put hope on now. The feeling of knowing them having a great time with their life out there, is just indescribable while I’m stuck by myself. Maybe the quote, nothing last forever, is true after all, although not wanting to believe it and trying real hard to prove it wrong, I just found myself telling, it’s unfortunately true. Although now, we would meet once in a while, I would just tell myself not to be too grateful as the next minute I will found myself back to square one. I know it’s stupid of me to make time for them,hoping that there will be a plan or something, but I just end up rotting myself at home. Maybe I just need to adapt myself to the changes and find myself a solid ground.I know this will take time but it’s the only thing I could do now. 

action speaks louder than words, no promises needed.

the right context to describe the current condition would be complex, in terms of  making decision and carrying out the daily routine. sometimes I wonder why I tend to rewind the past and go through everything once more , it isn’t only one thing but I would say it’s couple of things, things which I don’t enjoy and regret doing. maybe it’s this time which I’m suppose to reconcile things and put an ending in a better note, or maybe I’m just confuse. I gotta think more wisely before making a decision next time. On the other hand, my greatest friends have been the one who I rely on to bring joy to my life every single day.

I’m still here breathing now until I’m set free.

Lively would be the perfect word to describe the current condition of my life. It have been full of enjoyment and laughter spending with my greatest clique , family and close ones. I can’t deny that this period after secondary school life have been a great experience getting to engage to new things and meeting new people. Although I would say that I miss the days in secondary school, having to go through the different challenges faced every single day. It will be certainly be a memorable four years and a thing that I wouldn’t turn down if  I’ve got the chance to go back to. This is weird when I used to wish that I could graduate as quickly as possible but I guess most of us would feel the same way. In a few weeks time my orientation programme will kick up followed by the start of my course , that’s when I will go through another set of challenges every single day but this time without anyone of my clique but just determination. Sadly this wouldn’t be the same. On the other hand, I was given a second chance, I’m employed back.

tonight.

Climax of the holiday are sliding down, sadly but can’t deny. Soon it will be time to abandon those holiday spirit and start gear to a new beginning, time to fit back to society being busy and set back the daily routines of life, which most have started months ago. The word, solitary is the perfect word to explain those feeling of neglectful of the enrolment shit which led to dragging to complete it, in another word, there is just lack of enthusiasm. Sometimes I just feel like giving up, and take a few steps back.  

can’t deny,missing those times.

when a certain people are not in the same boat as you, a feeling of being left out will be a suffering. how could I wish to go through the daily hassle together with them. Leading to always having the mindset that day after day our gap will grow larger and larger, leaving at the end of the day a question. Keeping this thought off will just make myself ask, will this happen? This uncertainty will stay forever. I guess no one have an answer to this. I might have made a mistake along the way and regret, but we can’t turn back time but have to face it. Life is full of regrets, we can’t run away from it, it just happen over and over again in our life. I wonder why am I feeling this way when I’m suppose to be happy. I didn’t expect this kind of feeling to pop out neither do I like it, it’s not right. This sucks!

for now I will stick with the plans we have, not wanting it to be just memories.

I need another story, something to get off my chest.My life gets kinda boring, need something that I can confess. Until all my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I’ve said, come by it honestly I swear, thought you saw me wink, no, I’ve been on the brink, so tell me what you want to hear, something that will light those ears. Sick of all the insinceres, I’m gonna give all my secrets away. This time, don’t need another perfect line, don’t care if critics never jump in line. I’m gonna give all my secrets away. My God, amazing how we got this far, it’s like we’re chasing all those stars who’s driving shiny big black cars, and everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve and when a situation rises, just write it into an album, singing straight, too cold.I don’t really like my flow.Oh, got no reason, got not shame, got no family I can blame. Just don’t let me disappear. I’m going tell you everything.

single.

I sometimes wonder if I ever overcome my problems on my own when there’s one because I just realise that I’m always running away from it instead of facing it. I can hardly recall a moment when I feel proud solving  my problem, this shows I rarely do that. I don’t want this to be part of my personality, I need to be more responsible upon every of my actions. If this stays this way, it wouldn’t led me in achieving my dreams,  my goals in life. I need to be more committed in the stuffs I do. I need to change quick, as without me realising  I have run away from quite a number of problems this year, this past one month. Quiting have been my solution for most of it. This isn’t right. It might be the simplest way of solving anything but if I quit now, I will just keep quiting. I never thought of this. Looking back now, this is an act of running away, not having the right attitude , guts to face it. I got to fix this, change this attitude of mine, thinking have made me realise this. I been thinking more than usual lately, I can’t explain why. I think when you not doing any active routine in life, thoughts will start appearing in your mind.

and to Fitri, I enjoyed every seconds being with you,thank you.
we all have our scars.

I’m looking at you through the glass, don’t know how much time has passed. Oh God, it feels like forever but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head. All I know is that it feels like forever.How do you feel? That is the question but I forget, you don’t expect an easy answer when something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes. You can’t expect a bit of hopes so while you’re outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you’re staring at is me.How much is real? So much to question.An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything when thought came from the heart.It never did right from the start, just listen to the noises, null and void instead of voices. Before you tell yourself it’s just a different scene, it’s the stars, the stars that shine for you.

if you quit now,you will quit again later.