Changed.

I’m looking at you through the glass, don’t know how much time has passed. Oh God, it feels like forever but no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head. All I know is that it feels like forever.How do you feel? That is the question but I forget, you don’t expect an easy answer when something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes. You can’t expect a bit of hopes so while you’re outside looking in, describing what you see, remember what you’re staring at is me.How much is real? So much to question.An epidemic of the mannequins, contaminating everything when thought came from the heart.It never did right from the start, just listen to the noises, null and void instead of voices. Before you tell yourself it’s just a different scene, it’s the stars, the stars that shine for you.

if you quit now,you will quit again later.

regrets.

regrets. my life have been full of regrets for past couple of years,frequently I made decision unwisely, without thinking it through the outcome. it have always been like this,regretting at the end. how could I wish this brand new year will be a wise year for me, without needing to look back at time and look through the mistake I have made along the way.for the past one months in 2010, life have sailed smoothly although there was a rough start. but for now, there isn’t much important decision to be make as I’m currently indulging my holiday period, trying out new things and gaining experience. I wouldn’t consider the ups and downs in this period of my life seriously and to affect my upcoming life. I would just consider it as a lesson to be learnt for my future decision-making. so if you gonna say that I take things too lightly, I don’t fcuking care, I will leave because I don’t need someone to determine and control how I live my life.

freedom.

Disappointment

Don’t believe everything happiness says,nothing feels better than hiding these days .We bury our fears in the drinks, in these tears for the days we believed we could fly.Call up your brothers and sisters and friends, we’ll go back to the place where the night never ends,we’ll remember the fires, the burning car tires.Boy how in the hell did we get here?So why don’t you meet me, down behind the old school.We’ll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity, the apathy’s surrounding me.Don’t close your eyes or we’ll fade away .Over and over and over again we sat down for a minute, grew up into men.And we’ll never get back what we gave away,when we still have that fire in our eyes.Don’t believe everything happiness says, nothings as real as our old reckless ways when we drink by the fires.The burning car tires,bad girls and good liars,the dreams we’d conspire,the days we went crazy,the nights wild and hazy.Man how in the hell did we get here?

you’re really one superior guy.

overview.

school isn’t a single bit what I’ve expected.it is purely boredom and crap,now I strongly agree why people say that secondary school life is the greatest years.or maybe I haven’t fit in  the picture well enough,either or,I feel like withdrawing myself from this PPP as soon as possible,the only thing I have been doing is skipping class,missing out test.I guess this is how it feels like when none of your friends are in the same boat.I’m not used to this,waking up everyday,having nothing to look forward to.motivation are just words of cheering up,it wouldn’t change anything,I guess it’s just up to me if I wanna change my mindset upon the school.on the other hand,work have been useful,filling up my time when I’m not in school.I guess if I was to withdraw from PPP,I will just work until april, maybe I will do that.

can I bear this for two more years?

afresh.

monday,a day full of brand-new things,being in a new school and workplace,surrounded by strangers, learning and engaging to new things.it’ll certainly be a weird thing after four years living in consistent lifestyle but of course I will try to adapt to the new changes,not wanting to be anti-social,but it’s just a matter of time before i will fit in.on the other hand,I will be working and studying at the same time.Will I be able to handle both study and work?I guess it will be another new thing which I will engage to.It is indeed odd to start working when school is starting,but since PPP is not compulsory and it’s crap, as some of the lesson got nothing to do with my course,I might as well fill up my pocket at the same time then it will not be tedious for me.I hope my timetable wouldn’t clash with my schedule most of the time although i will be expecting it to happen in this first week,all the best.

 last weekend.

farewell.

results are out yesterday and that’s the last time which I’m needed to wear the school uniform.It was a nice atmosphere seeing back my peers although I was in the hall for only a short time of period.I wish I could turn back time and feel back the  anxiety waiting for my turn.that’s quite a number of things I’ve planned to do after getting my results which I didn’t manage to do.but i guess that’s not important right now,three years of my road of life have been secure.i wish everything will go well although my close friends wouldn’t be in the same school.my first module will commence next week and that’s when my holiday will end.my mind is clueless upon what will happen,I guess I have to wait and see.

there’s always an option.

karma.

Today is a winding road,that’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to go.Today in the blink of an eye I’m holding on to something and I do not know why I tried.I tried to read between the lines,I tried to look in your eyes,I want a simple explanation what I’m feeling inside.I gotta find a way out,maybe there’s a way out.Tell me where to start and tell me something I don’t know,today I’m on my own.I can’t move a muscle and I can’t pick up the phone.And now I’m itching for the tall grass,and longing for the breeze,I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe.I got to find a way out.I’m walking on a tightrope,I’m wrapped up in vines.I think I’ll make it out but you just got to give me time,strike me down with lightning,let me feel you in my veins.I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain.

venture.

a month left and I’m making use of this to spend time with my companions, venturing deep into punggol, a great atmosphere of nature.words to describe the day are just too boundless,bottom line it was a superb day with the dudes and dudette.to think of it,the decision I’ve make was worth it although there is a disturbing issue that have been in my mind after leaving.the feeling of missing a friend of mine which i owe her a lot,a friendship that i might not be able to hold much longer.i hate the feeling of missing and losing a great friend like her.thanks babe for everything!on the other hand, most of my close companions are leaving the country,what am i going to do when they are gone?maybe this is the perfect time to catch up with zaboof!

have to balance back my time between friends and family!

indecisive.

the thoughts of ending the late night routine or not have been running through my mind but a definite decision is yet to make.the pros and cons which should be considered are boundless.the minutes left for each day are insufficient for me to catch up with friends and family.Is this the kind of life I’m going to live in when I embark on my lifetime career in the future?This is definitely not the happy life which I’m looking forward. I’m left with a month to go before results are out and my polytechnic preparatory programme will commence.I might want to enjoy this last month with the rockers and fcukers before school reopen which is different this time round as most of us will be separate to different schools.

disappointment,I’m going to drag my feet tomorrow.

life’s a schalet.

a mark in my life,that’s what i can say about the chalet,it’s a joyous event that bring us together like a family,living under a roof where the horizon of the beach could be seen.rain nor shine,it’s not an excuse for us not to have fun.we got wet together,got bruises together,explore old changi hospital together,got high together and many more.there are too many words to describe the moment at the chalet,thanks rockers for making it happen.for now,lets look forward for life’s a uubbbbbbbbbiiiinnnnnn ah.after much thinking,i think it’s better to live active and enjoy the holiday as this might be the last and longest holiday im gonna get during my teenage life.